What Color Is Your Electric Pumpkin?
by Red Witch
Summary: The Brotherhood try to make some new inventions. The only thing they succeed at is making Magneto wish he had another team.


**The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters has gone somewhere to do something. I have no idea. And I have no idea how my brain came up with this fic…Maybe it has something to do with all the cappuccinos I drink? **

**What Color Is Your Electric Pumpkin? **

"Are you kidding me, Magneto?" Sabertooth growled as he got out of the driver's side of a gray sports car. "Are you freaking **kidding** me?"

"Sabertooth I told you that we are going to do this," Magneto got out of the car. He was wearing a gray suit and red tie. "The Brotherhood have worked hard on their inventions and I agreed that we would look at them. You must admit that they have had some success recently."

"Yeah. Success in driving everybody nuts. Just what I wanted to do on my day off," Sabertooth grumbled as he looked at the Brotherhood House. "Judge a Brotherhood Science Fair. Where the hell is Mystique when you need her?"

"Believe me Sabertooth if I could **find** her I would make her do this with me," Magneto glared at Sabertooth. "But since you are the only associate I have available right now…"

"What about that Mastermind guy? Can't he do it?" Sabertooth growled.

"Mastermind is indisposed," Magneto told him.

"He's passed out drunk again isn't he?" Sabertooth asked.

"No. He isn't," Magneto told him. "He's actually on a mission."

"Yeah a mission to get plastered," Sabertooth grumbled.

"No, he is currently in negotiations with a certain organization with mutant leaders," Magneto explained.

"Does this organization happen to have a dress code for leather outfits and whips?" Sabertooth folded his arms.

"Only some of the members have those," Magneto coughed. "Well mostly the women. Wait how do you…?"

"I've met some of the members of the Hellfire Club. Trust me. It ain't just the women," Sabertooth told him. "And I also know what their idea of networking is. Usually it involves a lot of booze and a lot of stuff you'll only find in those Fifty Shades Books."

"Well it's not going to be anything like that," Magneto said. "I was assured most of the people will keep their clothes on."

"You let a drunk go to a cocktail party in order to get information and allies for mutant rights and mutant conquest?" Sabertooth gave him a look. "Mags, unless he makes friends in AA the only information you are going to get is how to make a decent cocktail!"

"Look what the hell do you want from me?" Magneto snapped. "I admit that our organization hasn't exactly turned out to be the crack team I thought it was going to be. We've either lost people to Xavier or…!"

"Or the brain cells of the people we got left got lost a long time ago," Sabertooth snorted.

"Exactly. This is what our organization has been reduced to," Magneto sighed. "An alcoholic illusionist, a shape shifter that can't change into anything but a bitch, a precog that knows when I am going to call and is never there, my unstable daughter who had to be brainwashed in order to forget to kill me, my equally unstable son who sometimes I wish I could kill…"

"Not to mention the brain trust that is the Brotherhood," Sabertooth snorted. "The Frog, the Fatso, the Flame Brain and the Fool Rock Tumbler that has nothing but rocks in his head."

"And then there is **you**," Magneto glared at Sabertooth. "May I remind you that you haven't exactly been batting a thousand in your department either?"

"So I made a few messes and killed a few dozen people on the news?" Sabertooth grumbled. "Who hasn't?"

"I'm going to skim over your dozens of rather obvious flaws right now in order to point out that the majority of my hired help…including **you**," Magneto glared at him. "Is not exactly above par. And since I've been having a harder time finding any mutants that can do the job I'm stuck with you lot!"

"Can't you just make another Cerebro knock off? I mean you did make that first one with Baldy Warbucks?" Sabertooth asked.

"I did, but I need a decent telepath to operate it," Magneto sighed. "Hence Mastermind's assignment. Without it I am having a very difficult time finding new recruits."

"Okay. I get why you don't want to take back the Cajun and even the Russian," Sabertooth grunted. "One's a crook. The other's a wimp. But can't you find anyone else? What about the Morlocks?"

"No, I already tried that a long time ago," Magneto sighed. "Long story short it didn't end well. And now they have that former X-Man Spyke in their ranks…"

"You try anything, he goes right to the X-Men. Got it," Sabertooth grunted. "And you can't exactly advertise in the want ads."

"Long story short I have to take what I can get. For now at least. Look I agree this idea is rather…" Magneto chose his words carefully.

"Stupid?" Sabertooth suggested.

"Unorthodox. However you must remember the Brotherhood not only fixed a satellite and put it under our control they launched it into space," Magneto told him.

"And you really think those Astro-Nuts are capable of building something else that will work?" Sabertooth growled.

"Not really but there is always a chance that they might come up with **something **useful," Magneto shrugged as they walked up to the door.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

The house shook violently. "There's also a chance they could blow us all up into tiny pieces," Sabertooth grumbled. "I think the odds on the second one are a lot better."

"Let's just keep our claws to ourselves and try to get through this with as little maiming as possible," Magneto said in a tone that indicated he was speaking more to himself than Sabertooth. Then he rang the door.

"Hello!" Pietro answered the door. He was wearing goggles and a white lab coat over his clothes. Well it appeared to have been white at some point because now it had splotches of orange all over him. As well as orange splotches on his goggles.

"Father! It's good to see you! Glad you could make it!" Pietro brightened.

"Yes…Quicksilver what the devil is all over you?" Magneto pointed to his outfit.

"Cheesy Puff Bomb," Pietro wiped some of the orange from his face. "Still in the planning stages."

"Yeah that's a real winner," Sabertooth grumbled. "Gonna put us all on the map with **that **one."

"It's for more than just destruction. It's a way to fool our enemies that enjoy snacks," Pyro explained as he entered the hallway. He was also in a white lab coat and his whole body was covered in orange power. He licked the orange powder off his fingers. "Tasty!"

"I see…" Magneto blinked. Fred entered the room also in a lab coat but his was clean.

"Foooohhhh!" Fred blew out some orange smoke from his mouth and grinned.

"Uh like I said, still in the planning stages," Pietro said quickly. "Not quite there just yet. But we have some real good ideas, Father! Wait until you see what we've done. It'll blow your socks off!"

"That's what I'm **afraid **of," Magneto sighed as he followed his son into the next room. "I mean…Show me what you are working on."

In the living room were three tables with various objects. Lance and Todd were also there wearing goggles and lab coats. "We're all set with our demonstrations for the prototypes of our new anti-X-Men weapons!" Pietro said. "We're trying to find out the new Weapon Y!"

"Y? As in **why** are you building this crap?" Sabertooth asked as he looked around.

"No, Y as in the letter! You know? The letter after X?" Todd spoke up. "See the alphabet goes WXY…"

"I get the picture," Magneto interrupted.

"Why are you making weapons to take out the X-Men? I thought we were friends with the X-Geeks now?" Sabertooth asked sarcastically.

"Yes, but you never know," Pietro shrugged. "But we've been working on new and exciting inventions to get us one step ahead of the X-Men!"

"Maybe a bit sooner than we thought," Todd grumbled.

"What do you mean?" Magneto glared at them.

"Uh let's just say we encountered a slight road bump on the road to peace," Pietro whistled.

"To be fair we are not the ones who knocked Xavier unconscious," Pyro spoke up. "We just got the blame."

"Yeah when the fish hit the fan we got the shaft," Todd said. "And even though it wasn't our idea to use that many donuts we still got the blame."

"I don't want to know…" Magneto closed his eyes. "I do **not** want to know what you did this time."

"Good, it will make it more believable when the lawyers show up," Todd nodded.

"Just show me what you have," Magneto sighed.

"Very well, Pyro…" Pietro motioned.

"Thank you! Here at Brotherhood Industries where the future is ours to destroy we have come up with a brand new weapon! Behold! The electric pumpkin gun!" Pyro pointed to a large oddly colored cannon with a pumpkin in it.

"The electric…pumpkin gun?" Magneto blinked.

"Well technically it's a canon but we just think gun sounds cooler," Fred spoke up.

"Yeah, because pumpkins are a natural resource and this is the best part…" Pyro pointed. "We found a way to add some static electricity on 'em! That gives this weapon the extra boom!"

"Let me see if I get this straight," Sabertooth gave them a look. "The X-Men have lasers, a jet, a helicopter and all sorts of high tech weaponry and you want to fight them with a pumpkin gun?"

"An **electric** pumpkin gun!" Pyro corrected.

"Show 'em how it works Pyro," Lance said.

"Right O! Open the window!" Pyro moved the gun around so that the muzzle was pointed to a window.

"Opening window!" Todd opened the window.

"Choose your pumpkin!" Pyro called out. "What color would you like?"

"Excuse me?" Magneto raised an eyebrow.

"We find that by coloring our pumpkins in special acrylic paint gives the pumpkin a bigger and better electric charge!" Pyro pointed to a large bin filled with different colored pumpkins. "Go on. Pick your pumpkin! Red? Purple? Green?"

"How about orange?" Sabertooth quipped.

"Very funny," Pietro made a face.

"Ooh! Here's a plaid one! I made this one myself!" Pyro picked up a purple and pink plaid painted pumpkin.

"Try saying that a few times," Fred spoke. "Pyro picked up a purple and pink plaid painted pumpkin. Pyro pickled up a purple and plaid…Darn I always have trouble with the second one."

"Electric charged pumpkins of different colors…I can see where this is going," Sabertooth groaned. "Going to be a large and painful explosion."

"Okay we load the pumpkin in the gun. And pick out our target," Pyro said cheerfully as he readied the weapon. "Now we've aimed this gun almost a block down the street. This is the maximum range so you can get an idea of how far this baby can throw."

"Is that house abandoned?" Magneto asked.

"If not it will be pretty soon," Lance remarked.

"Hmm, this might not be so lame after all?" Sabertooth grinned.

"I know I should stop this but I just don't have it in me today," Magneto sighed.

"FIRE!" Pyro shouted cheerfully as he launched the device.

"Pyro's favorite word," Lance remarked.

"Ya think?" Sabertooth rolled his eyes.

KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM BOOM!

"Whoa look at all the pumpkin guts!" Fred whistled. "I like how the pumpkin got all big and glowy right before it hit."

"I like the fact that there's a crater right where the back porch used to be," Sabertooth snorted.

"Let me guess, that was Senator Kelly's house?" Magneto sighed. "Or that bully Duncan Matthews?"

"Neither. It was Mindy Green's, one of the old cheerleaders from Bayville High," Todd told him. "We uh, made a promise to Rogue. And Jean. And Kitty."

"Pretty much all the female members of the Xavier Institute approved of this one," Lance nodded.

"Wait, the X-Men agreed to actual destruction of a human's house?" Sabertooth asked.

"Uh we didn't exactly say that the house would be destroyed," Lance whistled.

"We just said we were gonna throw pumpkins at it which is technically the truth," Todd said. "We just didn't mention the electric part."

"I see…" Magneto sighed. "Well mass destruction of vegetables aside what else have you got?"

"This is one of our attempts at partial genetic fusing," Todd pointed to two medium sized sponges of different colors.

"Partial genetic fusing?" Magneto asked. "In a sponge?"

"Well we used the sponge to wipe up some stuff we found lying around this military base in the next town," Todd said.

"As well as one of Kitty's leftover recipes," Lance added.

"That explains why these things are harder than adamantium," Magneto sighed as he picked up one of the sponges.

"We were thinking about ways to use this stuff as a weapon," Todd went on.

"You could always throw them at your enemies' heads," Sabertooth said sarcastically.

"That was our first thought. Then we decided to try something. Take these sponges and drop 'em in that bucket there," Todd pointed to a small bucket filled with some blue liquid. "This is also from the army base we snuck onto. Had some kind of radioactive symbol on it so…"

"So I think I will stand over here…" Magneto said as he and Sabertooth went across the room.

"Don't worry, we checked it out. The Geiger counter we got barely registers anything on this stuff," Pyro waved.

"I still say that thing is broken," Lance grumbled.

"In that case we have a problem," Todd shrugged. "But hey, we're mutants. A little radiation won't kill us, right? I mean that's what they said in that First Class movie."

"Oy Vey…" Magneto moaned putting his head in his hands.

"You said it," Sabertooth groaned.

"And now we add the sponges," Todd dropped the sponges in. "And then we throw in this old Walkman that's on for an electrical reaction and let's run over to the other side of the room!" Todd did so as soon as he dropped the Walkman in.

FIZZZZ! ZZZZAPP!

_**Poof! **_

"Poof?" Sabertooth winced. "What? No boom?"

"You **want **a boom?" Magneto snapped at him. "Toad get that stupid thing out of here. And don't pour the liquid down the drain! Or anywhere **near **this house!"

"Okay," Todd smiled.

"And don't dump it at the Xavier Institute," Magneto ordered.

"No problem," Todd still smiled.

"Or Bayville High!" Magneto snapped.

"Awwww…" Todd pouted.

"Oh all right. You can dump it in Senator Kelly's house," Magneto sighed.

"Can I put it in his toilet and then put a snake in there after it and see if it mutates?" Todd beamed.

"Yeah sure," Magneto shrugged. "Why not?"

Splash!

Splash!

"What was…" Sabertooth blinked. He saw two wet sponges with tiny arms and legs climbing out of the bucket.

"Are those things…alive?" Pietro blinked.

"IT'S ALIVE!" Fred called out. "I always wanted to say that."

"There's two of them Blob," Lance said.

"THEY'RE ALIVE!" Fred shouted.

"Okay this is new," Todd blinked.

"Are those eyes?" Pietro pointed.

"Yeah they each got eyes," Pyro blinked. "A cute little pair of black beady three eyes."

"You can't call three eyes a pair," Lance told him.

"Well what do you call them?" Pyro asked.

"I know a pair of threes beats a flush," Fred spoke.

"So there is such a thing!" Pyro said.

"Not for eyes!" Lance said.

"Who made you the Grammar Police?" Todd asked.

"I don't know what a group of three eyes is called but I know it can't be a pair!" Lance snapped. "I don't know even how some kitchen sponges got eyes in the first place!"

"Maybe some of that radioactive material did some kind of chemical reaction with the ingredients from Kitty's cooking?" Fred blinked.

"I believe that is a distinct possibility Blob," Magneto sighed. "You know Sabertooth I am starting to rethink that idea of the want ads."

"I'll put something up on Monster," Sabertooth remarked.

"Green Sponge…" The Blue Sponge said. "BAD!"

"Die Blue Sponge!" The Green Sponge said. "Blue is bad!"

"No! Green is Bad!" The Blue Sponge said. "Blue is better!"

"Green better than Blue!" The Green Sponge snapped.

"And they're talking," Magneto sighed. "Of course they're talking."

"Mutant sponges. Just when I thought I've seen it all," Sabertooth groaned.

"You wrong color sponge! You die!" The Green Sponge waddled toward the Blue Sponge, its little arms flailing.

"No! Blue is best color! Green must die!" The Blue Sponge tried to counterattack in the same way.

"What do you know? Sponges are racists," Fred blinked.

"That's a lesson you'd never learn on a Nickelodeon cartoon," Todd remarked.

"This is a sight I'd never thought I'd see," Lance said. "Dueling sponges."

"They're not really dueling as much as they're flailing around trying to hit each other," Pietro remarked.

"I never thought I'd see anything more idiotic than you lot," Magneto moaned. "Shows what I know."

"Sponges! Sponges! Stop!" Pyro went over. "Stop your fighting!"

"Is it sponges or sponge-eye?" Fred blinked.

"How should I know? I flunked English class cause I kept sleeping through it!" Lance said. "It was too early in the morning."

"DIE! DIE!" The two sponges were flailing at each other.

"Sponges please! Stop this aggression! It's not healthy!" Pyro called out.

"I dunno, they're not exactly hurting each other. They are sponges you know?" Fred said.

"Yes, but they are also mutants! And all mutants should live in peace and harmony!" Pyro picked up the sponges to separate them. "Well except with the X-Men of course because they are total dinks but you get the picture."

"Yeah let's teach them how to get along!" Todd called out.

"How are you going to do **that**?" Lance asked.

"We can sing a song! Let's sing!" Fred called out.

"Yeah! Let's sing! A one! And a two…" Pyro called out before he started to sing with Todd and Fred.

Unfortunately none of them were singing the same song.

_ "Kumbya my Sponge! Kumbya!"_ Fred sang. "_Someone's doing the dishes Lord, Kumbya!" _

_ "The sponge is blue! The sponge is green!"_ Todd sang. _"There's a lot of dishware products that you've never seen!" _

_ "All we are saying! Is give freaks a chance!"_ Pyro sang.

"Kill! Kill!" The sponges frantically tried to break free but couldn't.

"I was wrong," Magneto sighed. "**This **is the most idiotic thing I have ever seen!"

"I bet Wolverine never has to deal with this special brand of crap," Sabertooth grumbled. "Punk gets away with everything!"

"This **can't **be my life," Lance moaned.

"Nice to know I'm not the only one here who asks that question," Magneto grumbled. Then he heard a weird noise. "What the devil is that? What more insanity do I have to put up with now?"

"Uh oh…" Pietro gulped as he saw the pumpkins were glowing. "I think we put a little too much static electricity in the pumpkins."

"**In** the pumpkins?" Sabertooth snapped.

"Well we put some kind of glowing battery thingy inside 'em," Pyro said ignoring the struggles of the sponges.

"Let me guess…" Magneto sighed as the pumpkins started to reach critical mass. "They're going to explode aren't they?"

"Who could have seen **this** coming?" Sabertooth asked sarcastically. "Oh wait. **I did!** Magneto use your powers to make a magnetic force field around the pumpkins!"

"Yes, Sabertooth I was planning on **doing **that!" Magneto said sharply as he did so.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Unfortunately even Magneto's powers weren't enough to stop the entire room and everyone in it from being covered in pumpkin guts. "Hey! The electric pumpkins were strong enough to break through your magnetic shield! That's gotta be good right?" Todd asked.

He then licked his own face with his tongue. "Yum! Tastes pumpkin-y!"

Somehow the sponges had gotten loose and were rolling on the floor trying to hurt each other. "Die! Die! Die!" They kept screaming.

"Well on the bright side," Fred sighed. "At least they're cleaning up the place while they're fighting."

At this Magneto and Sabertooth did an about face and promptly walked out of the room. "Where are you going?" Pietro called out.

"Far, far away…" Magneto said as he walked out of the house with Sabertooth right behind him.

"Well now what do we do, boss?" Sabertooth asked sarcastically.

"We are going to do what Mastermind always does," Magneto groaned. "Run off and get plastered! And I have to admit, for once the man has the right idea!"

"I'll drink to that," Sabertooth groaned.


End file.
